The Ultimate Guide of Knowing Your Friends and Take Immediate Control of Your Emotional Destiny

There are three kinds of friendships according to Aristotle, namely; friendship of utility, friendship of pleasure and finally perfect friendship. These friendships are related to three reasons of why we like things: usefulness, pleasure and goodness. After reading this article, you will understand the three kinds of friendships and how they function. Relationships are the most valuable asset in life; therefore, knowing the three kinds of friendships will help you know your real friends and take immediate control of your emotional destiny.


Friendship of Utility

The key word here is the word utility. Utility is defined as a state of being useful or beneficial. This kind of friendship is focused on what one party is able to gain from another. Friendship of utility is not useful. People do not love each other for the sake of love itself but for the good they get from each other. This kind of friendship is mostly done by older people.

For example, a businessman can partner up with another to work together in order to create more revenue for their business. These people become friends but their aim in their friendship is not for the sake of being friends with one another. Their main goal in their friendship is to make more money. They can be friends as long as they are making money but once their business is not making as much money their friendship is ruined and does no longer go any further. This is because the friendship itself was established on utility: goods people get from each other.

As result, they end up on separate roads and each one goes on his or her own way because the business that was holding their friendship is no longer profitable. A friendship that is based on utility does not last as long because once what holds that friendship is no longer present your friendship begins to suffer and comes to an end. Now that we understand what friendship of utility is let us discuss out next friendship.


Friendship of Pleasure

Unlike friendship of utility where people love each other because of some good they get from each other friendship of pleasure is quite different. In a friendship of pleasure, one party takes an advantage of another. People love another not for the sake of who the other person is but for the pleasure they gain from them. This relationship does not flourish because when one party is no longer useful or pleasant to the other party their friendship ends.

For example, when I was in high school, I befriended a guy at work simply because of some good I was able to gain from him. For the sake of privacy, let us call him Dillon. My main intention of being friends with Dillon was because I did not have a car and it was difficult for me to find a ride whenever I got off work. Dillon did not know what my intentions were and lawd and behold when I found my own way of going to work the amount of time I spent with Dillon started to decrease.

Sooner than anyone can ever imagine, Dillon and I were not talking as much and my friendship with Dillon ended that way. Have you had a friendship that ended this way? People who befriend you because of some goods you are able to provide for them? Know your friends and who you befriend because once they have what they need your relationship with those people ceases to come to an end.

Many young people are usually in the category of “friendship of pleasure.” That is because when we are young our friendships seem to aim at pleasure. In most cases, we go after our desires or befriend others with one question in mind; “What is in it for me?” We live under the guidance of emotions and immediately go after what we like or what is pleasant. This is one of the reasons young people can easily make friends and easily get rid of them when we do not find them useful or pleasant.

As we grow in age, our expectations of what we look for in a friendship changes with the word “pleasure” in mind. We begin to yearn for that friendship where the other person can love us for who we are despite of our imperfections. With this in mind let us go ahead and talk about our final friendship.


Perfect Friendship

Almost everyone yearns for this kind of friendship. In midst of adversities and tough times we look for these kinds of friends for refuge. Perfect friendship is the master and the goal of all friendships. A person in this friendship wishes the good of another for his or her own sake which makes it the highest degree of all friendships.

Perfect friendship is when people love another for the sake of who that person is. Each individual in the perfect friendship receives a mutual recognized love. Those in this kind of friendship know and affirm their friendship and wish well of each other. One does not have to worry much about satisfying the other party because he or she is loved just the way he or she is.

What make this friendship the highest degree of friendship? The virtuous acts required from each party. Both parties have to be just to one another and to themselves. They are prudent in their acts and in their desires. Of course there is pleasure and utility involved in this perfect friendship but pleasure and utility are not the ultimate goal of a perfect friendship. People in this relationship are patient with one another and love is grounded in their activities. Such friendship is rare because it requires time and familiarity to form.

Now that you have read and understood the three kinds of friendships you should be able to take immediate control of your emotional destiny. You may start to recognize that some of your friendships are friendship of utility, friendship of pleasure, and very few are perfect friendships. The goal here is to aim at perfect friendship in all of your relationships. At the end of the day you want to be in control of your emotional destiny.

Born in the small African country, Burundi, Wilson Kubwayo is now an inspirational speaker and talks to diverse audiences about his theme, “Climbing the Walls of Greatness: How to live life to your fullest potential.”